"Width and height?" (Brian answering, "The two ways a family grows are...")
"You know what else is hard? When people get erections!"
"Vaginas. ...look like cantelope."
"You think I'm a retard? Yes! Suck that, smarty pants!"
"Wow, Mr. Maine. You should have, like, gone to college as a kid or something."
"I just made Maine my bitch."
"That's a 5, little bitch."
"Your mom's easy."
"Your mom's for effect."
"Your mom was good- last night!"
"Your mama's a real word."
"Your mama wrote down what I said."
"She comes, like, once a week a month! ...once a month."
"I knew he was Asian, but... [I meant, like,] ching-chung-China-Asian."
"May the deity of your choice find favor in your existance." (God bless you.)
Daniel M. (Martinez):
"I'm gonna go, freakin', 9-11 on you."
"You're always sticky and nasty."
"I'd like to talk about your mom, but I don't even know the dude."
"Can we just call this section 'Sex'?"
"A before B. That's my motto."
"I hate the President of Zaire!" (Referring to a short-lived game.)
"Your mom took my mom's test."
"Your mama's very large!"
"Did you just call me a dominatrix?"
"Oh God. Oh God. I'm gonna kill him for this. I'll eat his brains..."
"I should join the Nazi party."
"When faced with a problem, the problem is: No noodles."
"You're not allowed to be happy in my classroom."
"That's, like, funny. Except for the funny part."
"No one can overturn my attempt at becoming princess." (Vote Maine for princess.)
"Enthalpy, which is 'H' for no raisin!"
"If you claim the naturally occurring form of oxygen is this," (Writes 'O') "-then I will yell at you and make fun of your family."
"Carbon monoxide will kill you deadly."
"You should have paid attention! Suckuh!"
"Five fourters- five fourters? Five quarters."
"I can't talk. I can do math, but I can't talk."
"My English is gooderously."
"My mouth is not connected to my brain. At all. In any way."
"If he delivered a baby, I would give him extra credit."
"I'm smaller than Mr. Bahmanyar!? Minus a million points!"
"I'll take your mom's test."
"Your mom's not parallel!"
"Your mom is 1."
"Your mom says 'Do not evaluate.' ...all the time!"
"Where's my pie? Bitch." (On pi day when someone asked, "Where's my pie?")
"Yes, I said 'little balls.' Clearly, I meant testicles."
"Yes, I said 'make wood.' Does that make you happy, Matthew?"
"It's short. Like me."
"LA used to be brown... ...now it's only a little brown... air-wise." (Talking about pollution... then Mexicans.)
"Ella, why did you steal my marker? I use it to color your sweater."
"He's Tedric. He's also an evil robot."
"Sh! Guys! And by guys, I mean Ryan. Shut up!"
"No! ...and by no, I mean yes."
"Young! Why are you playing with a Maxi-Pad!?"
"Richard Park! Stop making sweet love to the security bars."
"...[Brindha Saravanabavanandhan] needs to make a discovery and become famous [and get something named after her]... that would make me happy."
"This subject sucks! Read your damn book, there's a test on Friday."
"This is a scrawny rod. It's only 4 inches."
"I need to get a new rod."
"...my rod's broken."
"Yeah, shattering your rod is not a good thing."
"That would be dickly."
"Damn you, law enforcement!"
"I hate the world."
"And then we all have sex. The end."
"The best example of how I'm not smart is that I'm here right now."
"...I used to be a play boy..."
"I usually beat my wife every morning."
"...I've been vomiting since 2:00."
"You don't need to make noise. You can talk without making noise."
"Mr. Daniel, Shapero... I mean, uh, Delgadillo, Erendina."
"You should have clones... for a planet of Erin Hongs."
"You're gonna get nailed on your report card!"
"...I can't get raped!"
"Maybe I found my degrees in a garage sale."
"I'm gonna be Mrs. Ordona for a minute. ...HI! ...BUSH, BUSH, BUSH!"
"Oh, the phone's ringing. Maybe someone's gonna offer me money!"
"Generally, in my world, inanimate objects don't read my mind."
"Pff. I can be a stock boy."
Well, goodbye, people.
It is now possible that you will never see me again, because I'm leaving the school. This is probably good news to some of you.
I'm going to miss a lot of you... granted, there are quite a few people that I've considered heartless jerks, but I see no need to give out names or anything. Hopefully, those in the audience can be mature enough not to show themselves as such.
I never belonged here.
I'm not informed. I'm not even all that smart. I never took some kind of test to get into the HGM, as far as I'm aware. I don't even know what your IQ is supposed to be.
But those aren't the only reasons.
It's obvious if you've paid me some attention. I'm not a part of this social structure at the school. Most people cut me out, 'cause they already knew each other from an earlier school. No point in allowing someone new in.
It hurt, at first, being an outcast where I thought I could actually be accepted. But I eventually realized it didn't matter.
It wasn't really the same when I started hanging out with the freshmen and some sophomores this year. Not as bad, anyway.
I'm hoping this means the younger generations are becoming more considerate and polite than the previous.
In any case, the HGM's really been an experience I won't forget. For better... or for worse.
Of course, I'll be forgotten in an instant, I'm assuming. I never talked much, so I never made much of an imprint. I guess some of you who actually asked me to sign your Annuals will have some vague memory of me, though.
As a farewell to some of you, this is a list of certain people I've come to seriously respect, admire, or just have something to thank them for at this school:
Marisa Persaud (?)
Jane Lee (?)
Jasmine Schladen (Going sophomore)
Yekaterina Kolenkina (Going sophomore)
Eugene Shvarts (?)
Minh Vo (Going junior)
Angela She (Going junior)
Chris Kizer (Going junior)
Emily Ye (Going sophomore)
Jasmine Florentine (Going senior)
Ethan Ludmir (Going senior)
Tulane Kagy (Going college)
Richard Park (Going college)
Katie Fleming (Going junior)
Emily Law (Going senior)
Erendina Delgadillo (Going senior)
Sam Stander (Going senior)
Ella Lowensohn (Going senior)
Isaac Kim (Going senior)
Mr. Maine (Still a teacher)
Ian Daly (Going junior)
I probably forgot some people, but this might suffice. Hopefully I also spelled names correctly.